5 Tips to Navigate the Holiday’s When You’re Struggling to Get Pregnant
Holiday’s can be such a trigging time when you are wishing you were pregnant, yet your dream still has not happened. I don’t know if there is anything that ever really takes away the grief, jealousy and frustration, but there are some simple tools you can use to help prepare yourself and more importantly protect yourself.
Before I dive into my 5 tips, let me just say, I understand how you are feeling as you prepare for the holidays. Although I am now on the other side of my fertility journey, I can still remember all the feelings that came with the holidays. You are not a bad person or selfish or any different than any other woman on this journey. You are HUMAN trying to navigate a really painful time in your life right now. You need understanding and compassion, so put yourself first during the holidays. It may rock the boat, but you need to be in a good health head space to keep showing up for your baby that you are dreaming into reality.
Here are my top 5 favourite tips to navigate the holidays….they are all personally ones I kept in my bag of tricks to help me during holidays, weddings, or any other triggering time of year.
You come first. It is completely ok to turn down invitations to parties or family gatherings that are going to make you feel broken, angry or devastated. This is just a date on the calendar that will repeat itself next year. Yes, you may miss out on something that happened at the event, but right now caring for your mental wellbeing is more important. If it feels better to stay home in your pj’s curled up on the couch with your partner and watching a movie that brings you joy and laughter, than that is more nourishing to your body and mind than the stress you are preparing yourself for.
Always have an escape plan. I always had a plan made with my husband incase things just got to be too much for me. We would agree before leaving the house that if I went over and squeezed his hand or said our coded phrase, that he would take over and make an excuse for us to leave. Leaving could mean simply getting me out of a conversation and moving to a different room, going for a walk outside to get fresh air, making an excuse to run an errand, or just making up a reason as to why we needed to leave all together. Partners really do want to help, but they don’t always know how. So sit down and make a plan of how they can help you and then let them do the rest.
Give your partner the heads up that you will need them for extra emotional support the next few weeks. I know this may sound silly, but my husband needs the heads up on this one all the time. I find that when I am going through something big, if I just keep talking about it without the heads up of what I need from him, he often gets reactive that I am just talking in circles. It makes all the difference when I say, “hey, I am really struggling right now and I know I am going to be triggered over the next few weeks. I am going to need you as a sounding board just to emotional dump on so I can release it to move through it.” When I do this prep work with him, he then knows the expectation and is an amazing gatekeeper to my emotional needs. So let your partners in. Let them know what you need. They may not be able to fix it, but that can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings so you can release them from your mind. It truly does help.
Cry, get angry, scream into a pillow. Allow yourself permission to let the emotions flow and release in a safe environment. Having these feelings is not bad, they are normal. If we don’t find a way to discharge the energy of them they will sit within us and fester. So release them anyways that feels like you are allowing them to explode out of you. I personally like screaming into a pillow, throwing soft air filled balls at a wall (or a punching bag if you have one), tear a piece of paper into angry shreds while crying, the sky is a limit….but allow yourself to release it.
Lastly, lots and lots of self care. Make a special self-care basket for yourself, so that when you come home from a triggering evening, you can go straight to your basket and find something to nourish you.
I hope this list provides you some comfort in the coming weeks. Know you are not alone and that how you feel matters. Take care of you, so that your body and mind can thrive to support the pregnancy you are deeply desiring.
